The Starting Waypoint – Twoness
In our last session we discussed the marriage relationship and the concept of becoming one. Unity in will, thought, and purpose. Striving toward the same goal in one accord, and no, I don’t mean a Honda.
How does a couple obtain such a lofty state of being without losing one’s own identity? Where do we even start to understand “how” to achieve such a state? The answer is not clear, but it is there.
To help define the path to oneness we are going to use the phases of human life to mark the transition points within relationship. We will start with abstraction, then conception, infancy, toddler, adolescent, and finally adult. Not sure how this will go, but it will be a wild ride, so buckle up and tighten up your weave.
Abstraction
You likely thought we were heading straight for conception, and you would have been right to go there. I too went there, but I was brought back a step to something called abstraction.
Abstraction is defined as dealing in ideas, not events. We all know that relationships don’t just “arrive” as in conception. Two people begin to have the same thoughts, that they are tired of being alone and want to find “the person of my dreams”! Mr. Right, or Mrs. Universe! Something is triggered that begins the quest for the one that will change everything, or for the second one that will change everything, or 3rd or 4th, you get the picture.
Before the relationship is conceived there are two people running around trying to ideate what the perfect mate looks, feels, and smells like, and what the ideal relationship should look like. But where do they even begin to understand any of this. Welcome to twoness. Two individuals with different beliefs, upbringing, and experiences, trying to piece together their vision of the future based on what they have experienced and learned in life. Buckle your seatbelts passengers, this ride is going to be a little bit bumpy!
Just the Facts, Ma’am!
We as adults, arrive on the same tracks. The path is called aging, but the terrain your tracks run through can be vastly different. Who you are as an individual is shaped by that terrain. By eighteen, most people’s beliefs, whether we are talking spiritual, familial, cultural, or world view are set in place. Likewise, our social construct is developing, we have either landed in the introvert or extrovert group, or somewhere in between.
Our egos are generally cemented in at this point as well. People generally fall into the high or low self esteem category, I haven’t heard of anyone with a neutral self esteem, but I am sure they exist, we just don’t hear about them. Seems we are all either self aware, self centered, or self absorbed at this young age and for good reason. We are trying to find our place in the world, so much of our emotional and mental energy goes into establishing our footing.
As you can imagine, everything we just talked about stems from the environment that we grew up in. the “terrain” through which our tracks have been laid.
How does one know anything about marriage or raising a family? It is what we have seen or not seen within our own families and friends families. And each person’s experience can be completely different. You may have been raised in a single parent home, you very likely had brokenness in your family, and if you didn’t please call Guinness, you could be in the book of records!
Meeting Point
Our couple, let’s call them Jack and Jill, only because they are simple names and it was my favorite doughnut shop in Abilene, Tx growing up. Jack met Jill in church. (Keeping our example wholesome). It was seemingly love at first site, He liked what she liked, she checked all the boxes for Jack, it was a match made in, well you know Heaven.
There is however a problem with expectations, especially when it comes to relationships. See in the beginning you only get the “best” of the person you are interested in. Remember both parties are really focused on self and seeking their own goal fulfillment that you get the best version of them they can muster. They are so desperate to impress and land their perfect match.
Here we find ourselves at our very first waypoint. Two individuals, each with a goal in mind. They think it is the same, they hope it is the same. They have little understanding of the journey they are about to embark upon. As the spark of love is conceived within the couple, they each draw closer to the next relationship phase and path toward unity, conception!
Conclusion
I hope you’ve enjoyed our trek through the beginning of our relationship journey. Join us next week as we continue this journey toward oneness and unity. Until next week, God bless and remember. “All of life is ministry”!
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