Plans put in place by “One”, many times will not work for the “Whole”!
Steven Hawking said this: “The greatest enemy of knowledge is not ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge”! This quote applies so good to our topic today, because if you have the attitude of I’m RIGHT and I know EVERYTHING, that self created illusion will keep you from learning ANYTHING.
In marriage we are one in unity, bringing together two people, a male and female, plus God in a covenant relationship. Each of us different persons, with different attributes, characteristics and roles that we bring to the party.
One spouse may have a greater strength or skill in the planning arena, or have the time and resources to spend laying out the plan, but when two thirds of the whole is not involved, you are simply asking for trouble.
Fun was had, Character was built.
Our son in law Nic likes to use the phrase “fun was had, character was built”, anytime one of his young children hurt themselves while playing. This is so true in life, our great learnings in life usually come through trouble or pain. Our “character” grows as we experience life, the real question is in what direction is our character growing. Our response to “life” will often determine how we grow and ultimately how we respond the next time life happens.
There was a time in our (mine and Ricky’s), life where we thought we had it figured out. We were living in North East Alabama. Ricky had a great job, I was in love with the jail ministry I supported, and we were heavily involved in our local church. Our kids had grown up there, and met their spouses. Each of them having kids of their own, though Corey and his family were in the Navy in Virginia.
Our PLAN was that we would retire in Scottsboro and finish out our years there, “BUT GOD”! You know the other third of the relationship, He had other plans in mind. He led us back to Texas after 20 years in Alabama. The move was hard, saying goodbye to so many friends and starting over, finding a new church, experiencing covid and on and on. Saying Character was built is an UNDERSTATEMENT!
Through it all, God has grown us, brought us new friends, new opportunities for ministry, and blessings beyond our understanding. The moral of this story is that planning is God’s specialty, Jeremiah 29:11 talks about Him “Knowing the Plans I have for you”. Do not fail to include Him in your planning sessions, it could result in a lot of character building!
Consider the other two thirds
Proverbs was one of the books in the Bible written by Solomon, considered to be the wisest man alive. He asked for wisdom from God and he got it! Now he did have hundreds of wives which challenges my thoughts around the term “wise man”, but the writings we have from him regarding life are pretty good.
In Proverbs 16:9 we read “The heart of a man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps”. There we see one of the two thirds in this relationship.
In Proverbs 15:22 we read “Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers, they succeed. Now we have both of the remaining two thirds in this marriage relationship.
Plans for the marriage and/or family must include the whole, because the end result affects the whole! The BEST desired result will ALWAYs include hearing from God and your spouse.
Strengths & Weaknesses
Each of us are gifted and skilled in different areas, and often times that is what attracted us to our spouse in the first place. How hard it would be live out our marriage relationship if we were both the same.
It is important to be intentional about recognizing first our own weaknesses. Being OK with uncovering and agreeing that whatever it is, I now am stronger from knowing where my weakness lies.
Next, we must look into our spouses strengths and see what God has intentionally brought to us, to offset our weaknesses. Invite your spouse to use those strengths to first offset your weaknesses, and then begin to grow those weak areas into strengths. This is God’s plan for our lives as individuals in this relationship, that each spouse would invest in the other, bringing them to a better version of themselves in Christ.
The Greater Good
The ultimate goal for both marriage partners is to learn more, grow more, and become more together. However, for this to happen you are going to have to give yourselves some space to fail and grow. Growth or strengthening does not happen without pain, failure, or stretching yourselves. As you both grow, the marriage as a whole will grow and strengthen. You will grow in one accord, with one mind for the greater good of the relationship and purpose of the union.
Trust is essential
Your marriage relationship or any relationship for that matter cannot grow or sustain without trust. Trust is essential and each spouse has a part in it. Where this is deception, mistrust will grow in place of trust.
Warning, watch out for paltering! Paltering is the telling of half truths, deliberately altering the story to protect or minimize the impact. Half-truths are not truth at all, no matter how much we tell ourselves they are.
No plan/still a plan
You may be thinking to yourself, this seems like too much work! We are simply not going to plan, just roll with the flow and let God sort it out! No plan is still a plan. In essence you are planning, not to plan and putting your fate, your marriage’s fate in the hands of circumstance. We have communicated in other marriage posts the truth that we, (both male and female), are created in the image of God. God is a planner, you can’t look anywhere on earth or in the sky without seeing and understanding the results of His plans. It is fair to assume, that we being created in His image, are designed to plan, grow, and expand the Kingdom. May you be blessed in your planning together!
Remember “All of Life is Ministry”!
God Bless, Tina
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