The Conundrum
Over the past couple of months, my wife and I have been working on marriage material for our ministry. The material is based primarily on Ephesians 5:21-33. Verses 23 to 25 really caught my eye as a man and husband. It states “For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her“.
So many people get all hung up on the phrase “let the wives be subject to their husbands”. This is trivial compared to the rest that is stated in the verse. First of all, what does it mean to be the “head”? For a man to understand the meaning, he must first understand Christ as the head of the church. We find our selves in a familiar place. The Psalmist of chapter 8 said in verses 4 thru 6, “What is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you visit him? For you have made him a little lower than the angels, and you have crowned him with glory and honor. You have made him to have dominion over the works of your hands; You have put all things under his feet.”
The Big Secret
Paul calls it a Mega Mysterion, or big mystery/secret when talking about marriage. It represents Christ and the church. Within that secret revelation is the question at hand. What exactly is role of man, the husband in this relationship? What does it mean to be head, and how do we understand what Christ did/does as head of the church? I’m going to share three areas that I believe first highlight Christ’s role as head of His church and secondly how it applies to me as the man and husband in that role. I am not trying to completely and at once define the headship role, but to provide some high level insights that will help men grasp their role as head.
I hope to also dispel the notion that submission is only meant for the wife, or female within the marriage relationship. If you know anything about the Genesis account of creation and the first marriage, you know that Eve was taken from Adam, and in that account we see the different roles, but we also see that God called Eve helper. Using the same term “Ezer Knegdo” that He uses for Himself 16 times in the Old Testament in relation to Israel. He is certainly not subservient to Israel, and when we go back to Ephesians 5:21 we see that “ALL” are called to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. This universal call to servant mentality is the basis for how we live, as well as the marriage relationship. Hang on to your hats, we are about to go deeper.
Brass Tacks
Psalm 119:18 says “Open my eyes that I may behold wondrous things out of Your law”. I feel that God has opened my eyes just a bit around what He, Jesus did and is doing as head of the church. In scripture I have seen 3 images that apply to me as a husband. Also as head of the wife and family unit. A microcosm of the relationship between Christ and His church. The 3 roles/images associated with being head are, Shepherd, Servant, and Steward. We will spend the next few paragraphs diving into what this means for we men in our role as head. Buckle up it’s about to get real!
Image of Shepherd as Head
There are multiple scriptures we read that portray both the Father and Jesus as shepherd and chief shepherd. God led me to 1 Peter 5:1-4 specifically. We read “To the elders among you, I appeal as a fellow elder and a witness of Christ’s sufferings who also will share in the glory to be revealed. Be shepherds of God’s flock that is under your care, watching over them. Not because you must, but because you are willing, as God wants you to be; not pursuing dishonest gain, but eager to serve; not lording it over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock. And when the Chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the crown of glory that will never fade away.
Intention
I understand that these verses are speaking specifically to elders. When we understand that in it we see God’s heart and care for His church. We then can understand that in the microcosm of our marriage and family, we are to do the same. Those placed in our care, some by choice and some by birth, depend on us to shepherd them well. There are many aspects to being a shepherd of our wife and family and we don’t have time to go into it here. We will cover some of those aspects as we talk about what it means to be servant and steward. Probably the most important aspect of being a shepherd, is being an image bearer of the Chief Shepherd.
Application
Hebrews 13:7 reminds us to “Remember your leaders, who spoke the word of God to you. Consider the outcome of their way of life and imitate their faith.” Reflecting the attributes of the Good Shepherd is key. We see those in our spiritual fathers and leaders, and we see it in Christ and how He loved and treated others. Imitating Christ to our wife and family will allow them to readily and without pause, submit to our headship/leadership. How are you doing my brother, in bearing the image of the Good Shepherd to those in your care?
Image of Steward as Head
A steward in this context is defined as one who takes care of that which belongs to another. Many will read that and say hang on, this is my family, my wife, my possessions. Your definition does not fit. Those who believe in this manner do not understand that everything you have had, do have, or will have comes from God. You were entrusted with them, again either by choice or by birth, you sir have quite the responsibility.
Intention
The weight of what we just discussed is almost too much to bear when I consider all that God has placed in my care. 1 Corinthians 4:1-2 says it this way. “This, then, is how you ought to regard us: as servants of Christ and as those entrusted with the mysteries God has revealed. Now it is required that those who have been given a trust must prove faithful.”
Application
Paul is talking to Apostleship here. It is for we men to understand this calling as head in our marriage and home. We see both the image of servant and of steward in this verse. It is not to be taken lightly. Our stewardship role is twofold. It is for the people and possessions God has placed in our care. Likewise, for the stewardship of the word to the people in our care. Relating to the image of Shepherd, we are to know and use God’s word to teach, rebuke, train and correct those in our care. (2 Timothy 3:16).
Image of Servant as Head
Jesus Himself gives us a clear picture of the admonition to serve. In Mathew the mother of two of his disciples asked for her son’s to be able to sit on either side of Him in the kingdom. Jesus explained they did not know what they were asking and quickly showed them they had it all wrong. In verses 26 thru 28 He said: “Whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant. Whoever wants to be first must be your slave. Just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”
Intention
Jesus came to serve, not to be served, but to serve and to give his life as a ransom for many. There is no doubting what servant as head looks like regarding the church. Galatians 5:13 gives us further clarity on how it applies to all of us. “You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh ; rather, serve one another humbly in love.”
Application
Going back to 1 Peter 4:10 we are exhorted to use our gifts to serve to one another. We can think it does not apply to me in my role as husband and head of this family unit. We would be lying to ourselves and missing out on God’s blessing meant for our role as Husband, Father, and head. Being a servant leader is quite possibly the most important aspect of my role as husband, and as a follower of Jesus. Image bearing is not possible without servanthood!
Putting a Bow on It!
For far too long, we men have willingly sat idly by and listened to the current culture’s definition for men. I make the money, she handles everything else, I go to church, but only to keep her happy! I am heavily involved in my children’s sports activities, but am completely disengaged from their life training or spiritual growth.
If any of the statements above ring true for you, you are not alone. But that does not change the fact that you are missing your calling and the mark as it relates to being head in your family. These few verses should be a call to arms for all men who dare to call themselves Christians. We are to bear the image of Christ and His headship of the Church. Bearing the image of Shepherd, the image of Steward, and the image of Servant to those entrusted to us.
If you are a Christian brother reading this, I dare you to pick up your bible. Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to you what it means to be “head” of the wife and the home. What it means to walk that out both in the family and in the church. God is looking for men to stop sleepwalking and take our Divinely designed position in the family and in His church.
God bless, remember all of life is ministry!
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